Stick a small comb into your pubic hair so it stays. If you don't have pubic hair, grow some. If The comb doesn't stay, grow some more.
Stand on top of a barrel with a pickle and a toothpick, comb still affixed to your genital area. Eat the pickle. Pick pickle out of your teeth with the toothpick. Consider using the toothpick for a comb. As a comb, the toothpick would prove rewarding. Wood feels pleasing to the scalp, and tedium allows for a satisfied soul. But then, the toothpick has been tainted with pickle teeth. No. Discard the toothpick into the open mouth of a sea otter. If no sea otter is available, name your trash can Miranda and throw it in there instead.
Having now dabbled in hair combing foreplay, and having discovered that potential hair combing implements are undesirable when tainted with pickle teeth, retrieve the comb from its pubic entanglement. Blow on it, setting all stray pubic hairs free.
Retrieve a hula hoop. Begin combing as you hula. After running the comb through your hair four times, run the teeth of the comb against your own teeth twice. Repeat this until you have set your hair straight.
Look deeply into the mirror, and tell yourself that you are a magnificent ox. Sturdy and straight. Bow.
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