How to Ride the Bus

First, you must contribute several minutes of effort to the economy, and receive payment for your time.

Put the dollars you've earned in your pocket, and stride to the bus stop to wait. Arms loosely dangling, draw pictures of mollusks in the air with your elbows until the bus arrives.


Climb aboard in once swift movement.* Drop your payment in the slot, and provide the driver a sprig of fresh lavender. Keep enough lavender for all necessary transfers.

You may be tempted at this point to roll on the floor reciting poetry or entertaining your fellow passengers with a barracuda impression. Though these do indeed seem like worthwhile pursuits, the bus require a subtle approach. Overwhelming your busing companions with such acts would accurately express your wild devotion to living with glorious fervour, but may also deeply irritate them. This is a situation where softer acts are appropriate. You want to let them know the deep joy of a life lived strangely without making their bland sensibilities ache. Some examples:

-Stick all the petals of a flower up your nose.
-Write "this is the happy seat" with a marker on your seat so that all who sit there know.
-Take cards out of your wallet and press them into your face, leaving backwards robot-numbers on your skin.
-Reenact all of the hand gestures performed by Buster Keaton in the film Sherlock Jr.



*Note: if you are not well bathed, skip this step and return home. Present your fellow bus-riders with only the most pleasing of aromas.