Calvin

My friend Calvin came over today. I showed him my blog. He seemed unimpressed.

At least I think he was unimpressed. It's difficult to tell with musicians, even with a musician who happens to be your best friend. He plays auxiliary percussion in Lapdog Tyranny and succumbed to the blasé attitude of the rest of the band. I only write this, Calvin, because I'm sure you're not going to bother reading my blog again. If you do, I take it back.
 
However, my passion is steadfast. I will change the world with my words. Just watch.

Valuable Service

Today I closed a deal to supply a large new office building with bathroom fixtures. They wanted to go with the Textique Chrome series, a good choice. I suggested they swap the soap dispenser that come standard for the 855s. The Textique series leaks. The 855s don't.

I feel valuable on days like this. Future strangers will experience a public washroom without goopy pink Savoneur-Type-6 on the counters. Soap will come out onto their hands, then stop. They won't know that my concern for them has improved their lives. I feel valuable, yes. Valuable, but not fulfilled.

I long for the sort of fulfillment that will let me drift away into a long deep sleep. This blog, perhaps, can bring me that.

Publishing

Though writing helpful instructions for you is an endeavor I'm excited about and uniquely skilled for, I do not care to have my work published. Publishers want to tell the world things it already knows, or things that cannot possibly be true. My work, as you can see, consists of truths no one seems to know.

Requests

Feel free to comment below any entry with a request for a how-to. If there is a task in your life that lacks the depth of experience and love you desire, allow me to help.

Doing it Wrong

As I sat in the lunchroom today observing my coworkers, I noticed something. This thought swirling around my mind finally became clear - they're doing it wrong.

We, us human animals, are performing even the simplest tasks incorrectly.

Susan, a gargantuan woman who talks endlessly about how little she eats, dipped her spoon into her yogurt, and brought it to her face. She put the spoon in her mouth, and the yogurt disappeared. She repeated this movement, while watching and listening to Todd complain about a customer. Susan sat still, in what I suppose was a comfortable slouch, as Todd talked between mouthfuls of sandwich. Others crossed or uncrossed their legs, scratched itches, chewed food, worked on crosswords, and interacted with each other. All of the time they behaved in ways that we have collectively deemed to be correct.

Six of my coworkers lunched as I watched. They varied from moderately content to intensely frustrated. This is the range of emotions I observe each day in the grey world of Mainstay Building Supplies, Ltd. This is the range of emotions I observe everywhere.

It's quite the time. We can go anywhere, do anything, learn anything. Our endless options leave us miserable. The choice is not enough. Freedom is not enough. We must learn how to use our freedom, our endless options, correctly.

This blog will serve as an instruction manual. By stumbling upon it, you have become open to learning how to get it done right.