How to Scratch an Itch

When an itch lets itself be known, assure the affected area that this situation will soon to be satisfied.

Take an unboiled egg from the fridge, and roll it gently on the itchy skin. Roll until the egg is warm. Roll harder, until it cracks.

Collect the gooey inside of egg, and smear it onto your belly. Allow the shell to tumble away. Form the egg goo into the shape of a timid bunny. Convince your belly bunny to tell you a riddle.

Once you have solved the riddle, dip your finger into the yolkiest part of the bunny. Touch the finger to each toe.

You may wish, at this point, to wash the egg off. Use a sponge if you do. If not, call whoever in your life is nearest to a mother, and tell that person about a beautiful flower you once saw in the springtime.